he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize