i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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