i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize