you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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