i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my liver is dry heaving
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize