who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
