How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You work out of a Hotel?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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