is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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