there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
