Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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