I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
