The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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