I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
