Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
