that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize