It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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