either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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