do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
