Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
