He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
