i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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