She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
