I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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