i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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