new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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