this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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