I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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