I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girls should come with a carfax report
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
