he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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