last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
