You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
