well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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