I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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