You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
