you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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