My cat gives me a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
