so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
