if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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