Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Too much gin, very little bucket
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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