my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
