so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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