she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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