she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
