Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
