I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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