bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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