I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
