Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
