You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize