How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
