pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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