yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
