just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
