i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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