you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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