last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
