dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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