Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
