sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
