dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
