Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
love makes seman taste better
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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