I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
