Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
