I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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