Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
