The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
