Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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